Hello again,
I was thinking today about how I could possibly get myself into a better mood. You see it's been a tough week for me, I'm sure you have all had those at one time or another, right? Lately that has been my experience, in "spades" as they say. No, I'm not a poker player. If I was though, let's say I would be losing money fast.
Back to my point - I really wanted to cheer myself up in a way that would be easily done, while at work, without giving the least hint about my state of mind to anybody else. I'm not one to do backflips, or go around memorizing jokes to tell at work, or anything like that. Besides I had real work to do, so those were not options anyway. But how can I increase my mood?
One - I popped in one of my favorite Cd's to start the day. You see I'm an old school rock fan, and Steely Dan is one of my favorite bands. I blasted Katy Lied on the way to work, and I'm off to a great start. It's even better than my pick of motivational CD's that I sometimes favor, too.
Two - I had to boost my energy, I was still a little under the weather I think from fighting a cold this week. That sucks but you can't curl up into a ball every time you feel a little sick, can you? Hell, no. I decided it was my chance to fight this thing, and put myself in a mental state that would create maximum positive energy, fast. How else? Create my future. When I need a fast boost of positive energy I create a vision of what my future will be in my mind in as great detail as I can muster. Let's say it involves much less work, more freedom, a nicer car, and the comfort of a large home where I can entertain my friends in style. Sound too materialistic? Maybe to some, but try it sometime. Get into the zone, where you can feel invincible. Expand your mind to make yourself believe that you can accomplish anything and everything that you dream of, and it changes the way you feel about yourself. OH, yeah.
Three - make plans for the near future, as in the weekend. Think of something that you love to do, and just do it. Drive 100 miles to your favorite getaway spot with that special someone? Just do it. Always wanted to go skydiving? Try it now, why wait until next week or next year? Tomorrow may be too late, take advantage of right now as soon as you can. Besides having something to look forward to always makes me feel better, how about you? The anticipation is worth it, right?
Four - meet some one new, and make a friend. When was the last time you just went out on the town, or out to the store, or a movie or park, and just sat down beside someone and started a conversation? It feels great, doesn't it? That is the most fun thing to do. Of course it's more fun it that person is an attractive member of the opposite sex, naturally. But whatever you feel comfortable with...no, that's not the point is it? Get out of your comfort zone for once! That's the excitement of it, believe me. Go, try it. Report back to me...
Five - do something physical that you previously thought was beyond your physical limits. I know you could get hurt, but how bad could it be? So you try roller-blading and sprain your ankle. Big deal, right? Or go find a playground and swing on the swings for awhile, looking like a large kid who may or may not be totally lucid. Or better yet, get a real workout. Go join a gym and vow to get in shape even if it kills you. Take the challenge, push yourself for once, ok? You will thank me later I promise.
Six - Ok, I'm running out here but listen up! Try putting your thoughts into words like a journal. You will find that it loosens up your brain tremendously, the experience is very freeing. Being creative after all takes us to a higher level of consciousness, which is very good for the soul.
Seven - last but not least, do something nice or helpful for someone you don't know. Well it could be someone you know too, but it's better if you don't know them, because then you likely won't ever see them again and don't "expect" any future gain from the act. Does that make sense? Helping someone just for the sake of helping them, for absolutely no other reason. Come on, if you look hard enough you will find someone. Hang in a mall parking lot for about 10 minutes, and you find some elderly person who needs help carrying something. If you are near a busy highway, drive a few miles looking for a stranded motorist to drive to the nearest gas station. Or just compliment someone, give someone an unexpected smile for no reason. Even something this small can really make someones day, give them faith in humanity again, if even for a small amount of time. And of course it's going to make you smile, too.
Think of any more? Write me!
3taky5dxme
Friday, October 9, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
My Purposely Selfish Squidoo Post
Hello again,
Well it's come down to this I'm afraid, that I need post some info on Squidoo.com (one of my favorite places for free web pages) and say a few words. Why? Because I believe many of you still don't know about this site. It is a great way to get your message out there, whether you want to show off pictures of your hobby, your family, advertise for your business, tell a great story about your school or what's happening there, it's endless.
So this brings me to the "selfish" part of my post here- my links to my Squidoo pages. No, if you don't want to check them out I won't be hurt (but please, do!). They aren't all that great, anyway. Ok some are pretty good. So here they are, without further ado.
Find Health and Happiness
Make your goals do-or-die!
Happiness is a journey
The Road to Happiness
Get the power of habits
How to find more happiness
How to stay focused and achieve more
Spiritual growth and happiness
How to find success and motivation
well, there's a start for you. Hope you enjoy reading them! By the way, leave some feedback ok?
Thanks!
Don't forget to visit us at Finding happiness and success in life is easy!
Well it's come down to this I'm afraid, that I need post some info on Squidoo.com (one of my favorite places for free web pages) and say a few words. Why? Because I believe many of you still don't know about this site. It is a great way to get your message out there, whether you want to show off pictures of your hobby, your family, advertise for your business, tell a great story about your school or what's happening there, it's endless.
So this brings me to the "selfish" part of my post here- my links to my Squidoo pages. No, if you don't want to check them out I won't be hurt (but please, do!). They aren't all that great, anyway. Ok some are pretty good. So here they are, without further ado.
Find Health and Happiness
Make your goals do-or-die!
Happiness is a journey
The Road to Happiness
Get the power of habits
How to find more happiness
How to stay focused and achieve more
Spiritual growth and happiness
How to find success and motivation
well, there's a start for you. Hope you enjoy reading them! By the way, leave some feedback ok?
Thanks!
Don't forget to visit us at Finding happiness and success in life is easy!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
References for Success? It's not what you think
Hey,
I know, it's been awhile since I've written anything at all. Shame on me! But I have been taking a break from it, working on other things. And just taking some vacation time of course, too. Of course I never stop learning, one of the things I always keep in mind is that if you aren't learning anything new your mind is probably turning to mush. And we can't let that happen, can we?
Recently I was listening to an old Tony Robbins MP3 file, something I forgot I even downloaded probably. He was talking about "creating references" in order to achieve more, something that got me thinking how much that is really true. In order to make something come true, we really have to envision it first in our minds, right? After that, we need to really believe that we can accomplish whatever it is we want to do, and imagine ourselves doing this task with complete confidence and certainty.
Creating references to our success is really about setting the stage for the picture of how our new reality will look. In order to create your future, you need to know how it's going to look, right? So why not make as many details to that picture as you can now? It's like putting together a puzzle, the more pieces of the puzzle you have in place the more that the puzzle looks like the box it came in. After awhile you really recognize things, and that makes it much easier to finish the puzzle, right? Same thing with your picture of reality - the more pieces of the "puzzle" you are trying to create, the more you will recognize your future and this will give you immense confidence that your future is really taking shape. As you get closer to the finish it just keeps getting easier and easier!
Let's put this into real life form so it's easier to understand. I knew this friend of mine who wanted to be a veterinarian, and she spoke about it night and day. How much she really wanted to work with animals, because she loved them and knew it was her "dream" job. So of course she finally made the leap and went to veterinarian school, which is really tough to get into. It took awhile, but she was very persistent and finally got in. This was the first step in her plan, because although she was around animals all her life she didn't have any formal training yet. She knew what she wanted, but wasn't totally convinced yet that she could really accomplish it. Once she finished vet school, she knew that it would take her closer to her goal of being a vet. She had to create strong references though in order to get through all of this training, because doing something this difficult was going to take a very long time to accomplish. Once she got through vet school, she had built up a huge reference that gave her more confidence in her ability to realize that dream, but she knew she still had a long way to go before the dream became her reality. After that, she had to go through an internship, and then pass a board examination to become licenses in her state. Yes, she knew what the eventual goal was and how to get it, but each step along the way was like another huge piece in the puzzle of her dream. She kept adding piece after piece, and finally it was really becoming clear that she was going to be a board certified vet, and have her own practice! When she first started, she wasn't convinced that it would happen. But as she got closer and closer, the picture was very clear.
This is just one example of how references build our confidence and create our reality, by reinforcing the picture each step of the way. Yes, it takes time to create a new reality for yourself. But that's what dreams are for, aren't they?
I know, it's been awhile since I've written anything at all. Shame on me! But I have been taking a break from it, working on other things. And just taking some vacation time of course, too. Of course I never stop learning, one of the things I always keep in mind is that if you aren't learning anything new your mind is probably turning to mush. And we can't let that happen, can we?
Recently I was listening to an old Tony Robbins MP3 file, something I forgot I even downloaded probably. He was talking about "creating references" in order to achieve more, something that got me thinking how much that is really true. In order to make something come true, we really have to envision it first in our minds, right? After that, we need to really believe that we can accomplish whatever it is we want to do, and imagine ourselves doing this task with complete confidence and certainty.
Creating references to our success is really about setting the stage for the picture of how our new reality will look. In order to create your future, you need to know how it's going to look, right? So why not make as many details to that picture as you can now? It's like putting together a puzzle, the more pieces of the puzzle you have in place the more that the puzzle looks like the box it came in. After awhile you really recognize things, and that makes it much easier to finish the puzzle, right? Same thing with your picture of reality - the more pieces of the "puzzle" you are trying to create, the more you will recognize your future and this will give you immense confidence that your future is really taking shape. As you get closer to the finish it just keeps getting easier and easier!
Let's put this into real life form so it's easier to understand. I knew this friend of mine who wanted to be a veterinarian, and she spoke about it night and day. How much she really wanted to work with animals, because she loved them and knew it was her "dream" job. So of course she finally made the leap and went to veterinarian school, which is really tough to get into. It took awhile, but she was very persistent and finally got in. This was the first step in her plan, because although she was around animals all her life she didn't have any formal training yet. She knew what she wanted, but wasn't totally convinced yet that she could really accomplish it. Once she finished vet school, she knew that it would take her closer to her goal of being a vet. She had to create strong references though in order to get through all of this training, because doing something this difficult was going to take a very long time to accomplish. Once she got through vet school, she had built up a huge reference that gave her more confidence in her ability to realize that dream, but she knew she still had a long way to go before the dream became her reality. After that, she had to go through an internship, and then pass a board examination to become licenses in her state. Yes, she knew what the eventual goal was and how to get it, but each step along the way was like another huge piece in the puzzle of her dream. She kept adding piece after piece, and finally it was really becoming clear that she was going to be a board certified vet, and have her own practice! When she first started, she wasn't convinced that it would happen. But as she got closer and closer, the picture was very clear.
This is just one example of how references build our confidence and create our reality, by reinforcing the picture each step of the way. Yes, it takes time to create a new reality for yourself. But that's what dreams are for, aren't they?
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Create happiness = don't ever settle for less than your dreams!
Hello again,
Do you settle for less in life? What I mean is, if you can’t reach the highest goals you have set for yourself, do you just “give up” on them and settle for whatever you can get? It’s a very common phenomenon, but one I don’t think many people realize that they are doing. At least not consciously, if at all. Why would you give up on the dreams that you have? If you knew in your heart that you could not possible fail, and that every dream or goal that you wanted bad enough would most certainly come into being with enough effort, what would you really create in your life?
Notice, I didn’t say what would you “wish for” – because that automatically implies something like sprinkling fairy dust around and closing your eyes, hoping for the best. I don’t know if you were told, but those who wish for things rarely get much out of life. Don’t believe me? Other than some movie on TV or a kids channel, have you ever known someone to wish for something and it just came true? I didn’t think so, me neither. As kids we wish for things, not being mature enough to realize that you have to actually take action to thing happen in life.
But so many people, even when they realize this equation, don’t have enough belief in themselves to follow through and reach the goals and dreams that they really want in life. Why? I think many times we settle for less because we just don’t believe it’s possible to reach our goals. Or if you do believe it, at least a little bit, trying again and again with nothing to really show for it becomes to much of a burden. How many times have I seen people giving up on their dreams, when they could have been only a year or two away from having it all!
Are you crazy? You mean I have to work for years to reach my goals in life? Some people work hard for many, many years before coming close to their dreams. But the magic formula is if you don’t give up, you will eventually reach your goals. So how do I keep going, even in the face of little or no progress for long periods of time? Well for one thing, when you finally decide for real what you truly must have in life, not just what you want, then you take the next step and commit to it. Do you remember the scene in the original Star Wars movie where Yoda is teaching young Luke Skywalker to find his power? I will never forget his words, when Luke says “I will try”. Remember Yoda’s answer? There is no try, only “do”. That is the mindset you must have, that is what’s called a commitment! And that shouldn’t be a hard thing to do once you finally decide that you have had enough of “wishing”, enough of “trying”, and you are going to finally get serious enough to just “do”. It will change your life, like getting hit with a bolt of lightning square between the eyes. You will never settle for less again in life.
Visit us at find happiness here
Do you settle for less in life? What I mean is, if you can’t reach the highest goals you have set for yourself, do you just “give up” on them and settle for whatever you can get? It’s a very common phenomenon, but one I don’t think many people realize that they are doing. At least not consciously, if at all. Why would you give up on the dreams that you have? If you knew in your heart that you could not possible fail, and that every dream or goal that you wanted bad enough would most certainly come into being with enough effort, what would you really create in your life?
Notice, I didn’t say what would you “wish for” – because that automatically implies something like sprinkling fairy dust around and closing your eyes, hoping for the best. I don’t know if you were told, but those who wish for things rarely get much out of life. Don’t believe me? Other than some movie on TV or a kids channel, have you ever known someone to wish for something and it just came true? I didn’t think so, me neither. As kids we wish for things, not being mature enough to realize that you have to actually take action to thing happen in life.
But so many people, even when they realize this equation, don’t have enough belief in themselves to follow through and reach the goals and dreams that they really want in life. Why? I think many times we settle for less because we just don’t believe it’s possible to reach our goals. Or if you do believe it, at least a little bit, trying again and again with nothing to really show for it becomes to much of a burden. How many times have I seen people giving up on their dreams, when they could have been only a year or two away from having it all!
Are you crazy? You mean I have to work for years to reach my goals in life? Some people work hard for many, many years before coming close to their dreams. But the magic formula is if you don’t give up, you will eventually reach your goals. So how do I keep going, even in the face of little or no progress for long periods of time? Well for one thing, when you finally decide for real what you truly must have in life, not just what you want, then you take the next step and commit to it. Do you remember the scene in the original Star Wars movie where Yoda is teaching young Luke Skywalker to find his power? I will never forget his words, when Luke says “I will try”. Remember Yoda’s answer? There is no try, only “do”. That is the mindset you must have, that is what’s called a commitment! And that shouldn’t be a hard thing to do once you finally decide that you have had enough of “wishing”, enough of “trying”, and you are going to finally get serious enough to just “do”. It will change your life, like getting hit with a bolt of lightning square between the eyes. You will never settle for less again in life.
Visit us at find happiness here
Monday, July 27, 2009
Happiness - is it still possible when everything seems to suck?
Hi again,
Yes, I know. If your life sucks in a big way, then trying to be happy every day isn't just a chore, it's damn near impossible. At least for most people, anyway. You lost your job? Yeah, that is truly one of the biggest problems right now facing people in this country. What to do about - every single day is like waking up to a huge elephant in your living room. How do I know? Oh, I've been there myself of course! Not recently, but at a time when my life was sort of falling apart at the seams. I was in the middle of a divorce, losing my house, losing custody of my son most likely, and then got laid off from my job. How much worse could things get, right? I guess I had my health, but that's about all. If it wasn't for the kindness of a few friends and my parents, I would probably have been homeless.
So you are in the same boat? I hope you aren't, but if you have lost your job recently then the last thing you need is to get depressed about it. If you lose hope, you lose everything. In my opinion, anyway. That is the one thing I never lost when I was at my worst - I always knew in my mind and my heart that things would get better again. I figured it would take awhile, and it did. But if you lose hope you will take on a different approach to everything. Have you ever seen someone who is obviously depressed in public? You can tell, can't you. By the way they carry themselves, by the facial expressions they use, by their body language in general, they convey a total loss of interest in life. Can that possibly be a great way to help yourself in any way? I'm sure there are some people that really can't help themselves in any way, due to real medical issues, or mental illness. But unless your one of those, you have no excuse to be giving up on yourself. Give yourself some credit! You have amazing mental powers to do whatever it takes, right?
So I guess what I'm trying to say is if you are in a bad situation, you must make a decision to get started today and not only think positive, but consciously decide that nothing will stop you from turning things around. You know you can do it, because if other people can move on from their problems so can you. Think creatively, find help from friends or even strangers if you must, do whatever it takes to turn things around. You will find another job, you will get back whatever it was you lost, but only if you decide that you will. Remember, giving up isn't an option - so don't even consider it! Get back on the horse and ride, ok? Things can and will get better, they always do.
Visit us at the happiness place for more inspiration
Yes, I know. If your life sucks in a big way, then trying to be happy every day isn't just a chore, it's damn near impossible. At least for most people, anyway. You lost your job? Yeah, that is truly one of the biggest problems right now facing people in this country. What to do about - every single day is like waking up to a huge elephant in your living room. How do I know? Oh, I've been there myself of course! Not recently, but at a time when my life was sort of falling apart at the seams. I was in the middle of a divorce, losing my house, losing custody of my son most likely, and then got laid off from my job. How much worse could things get, right? I guess I had my health, but that's about all. If it wasn't for the kindness of a few friends and my parents, I would probably have been homeless.
So you are in the same boat? I hope you aren't, but if you have lost your job recently then the last thing you need is to get depressed about it. If you lose hope, you lose everything. In my opinion, anyway. That is the one thing I never lost when I was at my worst - I always knew in my mind and my heart that things would get better again. I figured it would take awhile, and it did. But if you lose hope you will take on a different approach to everything. Have you ever seen someone who is obviously depressed in public? You can tell, can't you. By the way they carry themselves, by the facial expressions they use, by their body language in general, they convey a total loss of interest in life. Can that possibly be a great way to help yourself in any way? I'm sure there are some people that really can't help themselves in any way, due to real medical issues, or mental illness. But unless your one of those, you have no excuse to be giving up on yourself. Give yourself some credit! You have amazing mental powers to do whatever it takes, right?
So I guess what I'm trying to say is if you are in a bad situation, you must make a decision to get started today and not only think positive, but consciously decide that nothing will stop you from turning things around. You know you can do it, because if other people can move on from their problems so can you. Think creatively, find help from friends or even strangers if you must, do whatever it takes to turn things around. You will find another job, you will get back whatever it was you lost, but only if you decide that you will. Remember, giving up isn't an option - so don't even consider it! Get back on the horse and ride, ok? Things can and will get better, they always do.
Visit us at the happiness place for more inspiration
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Your Comfort Zone - aka The Dream Killer
Hey there,
You know, we all want to be happy. If at all possible, ecstatic! Am I right? Of course, you can only stay in that state for so long though. After awhile, even the greatest vacations end. Then, you are back to reality my friend. That brings me to another point - the "comfort zone". Are you pretty comfortable right now in your life? Well, maybe you shouldn't be. Let me explain why.
Are you doing things on a daily basis that cause you discomfort? I’m not talking about real pain, just things that make you try harder, break through fear barriers, and in general cause you mental distress. If not, then you aren’t growing as a person – and probably never will! Ouch, what a slap shot, sorry about that. But it’s true!
The fact is that most people want to be successful in life, but never stop to think what it will really take to get there in their chosen field. If it means going back to college for 2 years of night school, could you do it? If it means to start your business you would need to work 16 hour days for a year or two (or more), could you do it? How about if it meant reading a book a week for about 6 months in order to really master a new skill? If you aren’t prepared to do any of those things because they are outside of your comfort zone, then you can forget being successful. I guarantee you will never reach your goals in life. Unless your goal is to be ordinary.
Yes the biggest dream killer by far is the dreaded “comfort zone” which most people live in their entire lives. And the funny thing is that people just can’t wrap their heads around the fact that people who have reached some success get tons of time to just relax, but only because they’re earned it! If you haven’t built a successful business, or in some way built a career that allows you mucho free time, then you are stuck in the grinding world of nine-to-five like everyone else. So how comfortable is that? Not very, if you ask me.
So what can you do about it? Well, find a way to make something happen in your life, build a business around your favorite hobby. Or write a book and publish it. Or take a course in stock trading and become an expert at that, working on making enough money to retire. But rest assured, if you don’t take massive action that puts you way out of your comfort zone, you will never be successful at much of anything. I promise – and I don’t make many promises!
You know, we all want to be happy. If at all possible, ecstatic! Am I right? Of course, you can only stay in that state for so long though. After awhile, even the greatest vacations end. Then, you are back to reality my friend. That brings me to another point - the "comfort zone". Are you pretty comfortable right now in your life? Well, maybe you shouldn't be. Let me explain why.
Are you doing things on a daily basis that cause you discomfort? I’m not talking about real pain, just things that make you try harder, break through fear barriers, and in general cause you mental distress. If not, then you aren’t growing as a person – and probably never will! Ouch, what a slap shot, sorry about that. But it’s true!
The fact is that most people want to be successful in life, but never stop to think what it will really take to get there in their chosen field. If it means going back to college for 2 years of night school, could you do it? If it means to start your business you would need to work 16 hour days for a year or two (or more), could you do it? How about if it meant reading a book a week for about 6 months in order to really master a new skill? If you aren’t prepared to do any of those things because they are outside of your comfort zone, then you can forget being successful. I guarantee you will never reach your goals in life. Unless your goal is to be ordinary.
Yes the biggest dream killer by far is the dreaded “comfort zone” which most people live in their entire lives. And the funny thing is that people just can’t wrap their heads around the fact that people who have reached some success get tons of time to just relax, but only because they’re earned it! If you haven’t built a successful business, or in some way built a career that allows you mucho free time, then you are stuck in the grinding world of nine-to-five like everyone else. So how comfortable is that? Not very, if you ask me.
So what can you do about it? Well, find a way to make something happen in your life, build a business around your favorite hobby. Or write a book and publish it. Or take a course in stock trading and become an expert at that, working on making enough money to retire. But rest assured, if you don’t take massive action that puts you way out of your comfort zone, you will never be successful at much of anything. I promise – and I don’t make many promises!
Friday, June 26, 2009
Find Happiness by focusing on the wins
Hello again,
This is going to sound a little silly, but what do you like better – winning or losing? Ok, we all like winning. Kind of a no-brainer, right? So why do so many people focus instead on their losses in life instead of the wins?
Gotcha thinking now, huh. You are probably saying “but I never focus on losses!”, right? It would seem that way, but if you consider our underlying thought process, any time we set out to try something new, or perform a difficult task, in the back of our minds we have this little voice saying “don’t mess this up again, like last time”, or “please don’t embarrass yourself again” or something to that effect. It’s like we’re priming ourselves to fail, almost. For me, it happens when I have an important project to complete at work, and I’m under pressure. I know what I’m doing, but at the same time I know if I make one little mistake, or leave something important out, I will be chastised by the boss. Or worse yet, something will effect the company bottom line and I will really hear about it! But if I know what I’m doing, why does that sliver of doubt have so much weight?
Another way we sometimes focus more on negatives instead of the positives in life, is just about anytime we try to make an improvement in our lives. Whether it’s interviewing for a new job, applying for a loan for a home or new car, or working on a new relationship that we have want so badly to work out. Our belief system kicks in, and before you know it there’s that little voice again saying “I don’t deserve this, really”. Maybe you have learned to ignore that little subconscious voice, but you know it’s still there, right? And the thing is, that voice seems to be louder when we’re about to do something really important to us. I think there is a direct
correlation to the negative voice and the importance of what we are doing!
Ok, here’s an example…I was planning my daughters birthday party recently, and wanted to have it in a local park. Great place for party’s because you don’t have to clean up! Anyway, I suddenly got this scary thought…what if it rains?! Oh, no! What then? It will be ruined! Just it was…never before. That’s right, we had her party there last year, and it was perfect weather. So what was I worried about? That little voice kicked in big time! Why do I listen.
From now on, when I hear that little voice, I’m going to train myself to immediately think of the opposite. That’s right, if a negative pops into my head, I will immediately think of the exact opposite and how that situation is much more likely to happen! So instead of getting rain for the party it will be totally gorgeous. Instead of making a mistake or being late for that project at work, I’m going to nail it and get a huge raise. Instead of being tired when I go to the gym tomorrow, I’m going to say “wow, I’m so energetic today, where’s it coming from?”. And it will all be true, because I planted another little voice, one that’s positive all the time. Make it a habit, and I will be totally set!
It may sound ridiculously simple to say you’re going to do that, but it really can be done. If you have a habit of thinking of the worst that may happen, just focus on the positive things that happen in your life. Pretty soon you will notice more and more positive things happening, and realize that your focus is changing your reality. Focus on the “wins” in your life, and you will most certainly have more of them. I promise…
To your continued success and happiness!
Visit us at find happiness here
3taky5dxme
This is going to sound a little silly, but what do you like better – winning or losing? Ok, we all like winning. Kind of a no-brainer, right? So why do so many people focus instead on their losses in life instead of the wins?
Gotcha thinking now, huh. You are probably saying “but I never focus on losses!”, right? It would seem that way, but if you consider our underlying thought process, any time we set out to try something new, or perform a difficult task, in the back of our minds we have this little voice saying “don’t mess this up again, like last time”, or “please don’t embarrass yourself again” or something to that effect. It’s like we’re priming ourselves to fail, almost. For me, it happens when I have an important project to complete at work, and I’m under pressure. I know what I’m doing, but at the same time I know if I make one little mistake, or leave something important out, I will be chastised by the boss. Or worse yet, something will effect the company bottom line and I will really hear about it! But if I know what I’m doing, why does that sliver of doubt have so much weight?
Another way we sometimes focus more on negatives instead of the positives in life, is just about anytime we try to make an improvement in our lives. Whether it’s interviewing for a new job, applying for a loan for a home or new car, or working on a new relationship that we have want so badly to work out. Our belief system kicks in, and before you know it there’s that little voice again saying “I don’t deserve this, really”. Maybe you have learned to ignore that little subconscious voice, but you know it’s still there, right? And the thing is, that voice seems to be louder when we’re about to do something really important to us. I think there is a direct
correlation to the negative voice and the importance of what we are doing!
Ok, here’s an example…I was planning my daughters birthday party recently, and wanted to have it in a local park. Great place for party’s because you don’t have to clean up! Anyway, I suddenly got this scary thought…what if it rains?! Oh, no! What then? It will be ruined! Just it was…never before. That’s right, we had her party there last year, and it was perfect weather. So what was I worried about? That little voice kicked in big time! Why do I listen.
From now on, when I hear that little voice, I’m going to train myself to immediately think of the opposite. That’s right, if a negative pops into my head, I will immediately think of the exact opposite and how that situation is much more likely to happen! So instead of getting rain for the party it will be totally gorgeous. Instead of making a mistake or being late for that project at work, I’m going to nail it and get a huge raise. Instead of being tired when I go to the gym tomorrow, I’m going to say “wow, I’m so energetic today, where’s it coming from?”. And it will all be true, because I planted another little voice, one that’s positive all the time. Make it a habit, and I will be totally set!
It may sound ridiculously simple to say you’re going to do that, but it really can be done. If you have a habit of thinking of the worst that may happen, just focus on the positive things that happen in your life. Pretty soon you will notice more and more positive things happening, and realize that your focus is changing your reality. Focus on the “wins” in your life, and you will most certainly have more of them. I promise…
To your continued success and happiness!
Visit us at find happiness here
3taky5dxme
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
More success tricks I've learned recently
Hello again,
You know sometimes I surprise even myself. I've read probably close to one-hundred self improvement books, worked on being more focused and productive, and just as I'm starting to think maybe I have it down things go into overdrive. Let me explain...
My last post I was blathering on about being unfocused, right? Ok, so I really took the time to find a few new ways to solve that little problem, because 1) my job is really changing, and it's harder and harder to "fake" working anymore...lol 2) I can really see myself working from the house very soon, it's becoming clearer and clearer to me...Alas, my bank account says "NO", so I keep working anyway. Then I get this brilliant idea to make a checklist, and so I start making a list of things I need to do with my business on a daily basis. Starting out slowly, it's now up to about 18 things! I need to do these every day, too. So I give it a shot, right?
Wow, that was just what I needed! It was as if my life was automatically brought into focus for me, no longer sitting in my chair at the computer wondering what to do next...I have a list, so I just go down the list, in order, and do each little thing one by one. Pretty soon I'm almost done, and I've accomplished more in 2 hours than I've done for quite some time. It actually works! Yeah, I know. That was supposed to be the plan, duh. But really, it's like a fog has been lifted, and I see myself getting much more done. This after trying to put short-term goals in writing, which only "half" worked because when I didn't quite reach my goals I would be somewhat disappointed. With the list, it's like a daily reminder for me to do each thing, one by one, until completed. I take notes on certain things that for whatever reason can't be done, then make sure they are done the next day.
I truly recommend this method to anyone, start a list of tasks, with the date, name of the task, notes for specific tasks (such as writing stats, numbers, additions), and any other column if you want. Do it every day! This has to be the rule, if you start missing a few days you won't make it a habit, and it won't be of help. I'm not usually the anal retentive type, but this has got my attention. Let me know if anybody out there has used this technique before, ok? I would love to hear other success stories!
Visit us at the happiness place
You know sometimes I surprise even myself. I've read probably close to one-hundred self improvement books, worked on being more focused and productive, and just as I'm starting to think maybe I have it down things go into overdrive. Let me explain...
My last post I was blathering on about being unfocused, right? Ok, so I really took the time to find a few new ways to solve that little problem, because 1) my job is really changing, and it's harder and harder to "fake" working anymore...lol 2) I can really see myself working from the house very soon, it's becoming clearer and clearer to me...Alas, my bank account says "NO", so I keep working anyway. Then I get this brilliant idea to make a checklist, and so I start making a list of things I need to do with my business on a daily basis. Starting out slowly, it's now up to about 18 things! I need to do these every day, too. So I give it a shot, right?
Wow, that was just what I needed! It was as if my life was automatically brought into focus for me, no longer sitting in my chair at the computer wondering what to do next...I have a list, so I just go down the list, in order, and do each little thing one by one. Pretty soon I'm almost done, and I've accomplished more in 2 hours than I've done for quite some time. It actually works! Yeah, I know. That was supposed to be the plan, duh. But really, it's like a fog has been lifted, and I see myself getting much more done. This after trying to put short-term goals in writing, which only "half" worked because when I didn't quite reach my goals I would be somewhat disappointed. With the list, it's like a daily reminder for me to do each thing, one by one, until completed. I take notes on certain things that for whatever reason can't be done, then make sure they are done the next day.
I truly recommend this method to anyone, start a list of tasks, with the date, name of the task, notes for specific tasks (such as writing stats, numbers, additions), and any other column if you want. Do it every day! This has to be the rule, if you start missing a few days you won't make it a habit, and it won't be of help. I'm not usually the anal retentive type, but this has got my attention. Let me know if anybody out there has used this technique before, ok? I would love to hear other success stories!
Visit us at the happiness place
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Are you unfocused? How do you know
Hello again,
I have been working on many different areas of my business the past several weeks, and it dawned on me that maybe I wasn't being as focused as I should be. Like a dog chasing rabbits, I get distracted every time a new one pops into my line of sight!
Of course what mean is that I work on one website for awhile, then check my email, get distracted and check some new "trick" to get more traffic, then go back to what I was doing...you get the picture. Why can't I just focus on one thing until it's done?
I'm quite sure I'm not the only person that does that, whether you have your own business or not. If you just get distracted while doing one task (cleaning house, making dinner, sorting laundry, whatever) without finishing it, it's kind of frustrating isn't it? How do we combat that?
Maybe the answer isn't to stop getting distracted completely, but to at least cut down on the frequency? I'm trying out a new technique myself, but if anybody has any suggestions I would be glad to listen to them. Here is my battle plan:
1. Set a time limit to your task - "I will work on _____ for at least 30 minutes". That way you at least have a conscious plan in mind, rather than nothing at all.
2. Realize what is distracting you most, and STOP doing it - for me, checking email is like a habit. I know, it's insidious. It can be stopped though! I will check my email only X times a day from now on, and only at set times of the day. This will stop me from being so casual about it. I know in my mind there's nothing that can't wait, so make it wait while you accomplish the more important things.
3. Prioritize every thing - set up a daily list of priorities! I know, what a freekin' pain, right? But just think how much more organized you will be, and how much more work you will get done. Every morning, rise and shine - then make your list. And stick to it! Some priorities may change depending on certain circumstances, but at least you will have a PLAN. Yes, a PLAN! Don't like broken records? Well then, just do one thing... make a PLAN!
4. Most important of all, make time to play! If you are all business, and no fun, sooner or later a part of you will hate yourself. Huh? No, you will hate your life at least and won't be very happy. It's a part of my life's plan to be successful and happy, both should be equal. So do yourself a favor and live life, don't work yourself to death. Nobody every said on their death bed "I wish I would have spent more time working...."
Hey, I still expect some suggestions from the "crowd" so please, follow up! Holla back! Give me your 2 cents worth...?
Visit us at the happiness place
I have been working on many different areas of my business the past several weeks, and it dawned on me that maybe I wasn't being as focused as I should be. Like a dog chasing rabbits, I get distracted every time a new one pops into my line of sight!
Of course what mean is that I work on one website for awhile, then check my email, get distracted and check some new "trick" to get more traffic, then go back to what I was doing...you get the picture. Why can't I just focus on one thing until it's done?
I'm quite sure I'm not the only person that does that, whether you have your own business or not. If you just get distracted while doing one task (cleaning house, making dinner, sorting laundry, whatever) without finishing it, it's kind of frustrating isn't it? How do we combat that?
Maybe the answer isn't to stop getting distracted completely, but to at least cut down on the frequency? I'm trying out a new technique myself, but if anybody has any suggestions I would be glad to listen to them. Here is my battle plan:
1. Set a time limit to your task - "I will work on _____ for at least 30 minutes". That way you at least have a conscious plan in mind, rather than nothing at all.
2. Realize what is distracting you most, and STOP doing it - for me, checking email is like a habit. I know, it's insidious. It can be stopped though! I will check my email only X times a day from now on, and only at set times of the day. This will stop me from being so casual about it. I know in my mind there's nothing that can't wait, so make it wait while you accomplish the more important things.
3. Prioritize every thing - set up a daily list of priorities! I know, what a freekin' pain, right? But just think how much more organized you will be, and how much more work you will get done. Every morning, rise and shine - then make your list. And stick to it! Some priorities may change depending on certain circumstances, but at least you will have a PLAN. Yes, a PLAN! Don't like broken records? Well then, just do one thing... make a PLAN!
4. Most important of all, make time to play! If you are all business, and no fun, sooner or later a part of you will hate yourself. Huh? No, you will hate your life at least and won't be very happy. It's a part of my life's plan to be successful and happy, both should be equal. So do yourself a favor and live life, don't work yourself to death. Nobody every said on their death bed "I wish I would have spent more time working...."
Hey, I still expect some suggestions from the "crowd" so please, follow up! Holla back! Give me your 2 cents worth...?
Visit us at the happiness place
Monday, June 1, 2009
Too much about money? no way! way...
Good day,
Alright. Since I've been searching for the past week or more what's up with my low productivity level, and wondering why I'm not seeing the results I want, it occurred to me. Perhaps I'm putting too much emphasis on how much (or little?) money I've made so far, and too little on how much I've actually accomplished. I guess I have blindly followed the theory that says we have to envision the amount of money we want to receive,and then go out and put your dreams into motion and it will eventually come to you. Or something like that. Anyway, I think it's too hard for my subconscious to figure out what specific steps I need to do in order to create $20K each and every month, so I have to put in some specifics.
I know that goes against all the law-of-attraction visions that they tell you to burn into your brain, but at this point I need concrete steps in this ladder of success. For me, getting 50 more articles published in the next 2 weeks, or finishing 20 Squidoo lenses on my newest product niche are more relevant than saying "let's shoot for x number of web visits" - which is pretty much what I've been doing. I consider that if I get x number of website visits, I will be able to make y amount of money, give or take. However, the first step should be to be specific about what steps it will take to get those visits, and go from there. This is just one example of my new list of goals, short-term at least, that have been revamped completely.
I believe this is what has been the reason that I have been unproductive lately, something was not right and I couldn't figure it out. I just needed to change my focus a little bit, which is usually the problem when I don't quite know why things aren't working. I'm going to focus on more short-term goals for awhile, making a weekly list of things I need to get done, and let the long-term money goals take care of themselves. This way if I can get the little things done each day, which will add up to bigger things each week, I should be able to gauge how much progress I'm getting more specifically. Adjustments will need to be made, but the list should not change much each week. This is why it is so critical to write your goals down, in as much detail as possible, so if things aren't going well and long-term goals aren't being met, you will certainly know why. As they say, the devil is in the details!
With that said, I realize that summer is here and I will have many distractions that will rip me from my goals, both short-term and long-term. So I guess my alter ego, the one that is more fun-loving than me, will win once in awhile. So be it, I need some distractions once in awhile, eh? Wasn't it Lennon who said "life is what happens while we're busy making other plans"...
so, let's get busy!
Alright. Since I've been searching for the past week or more what's up with my low productivity level, and wondering why I'm not seeing the results I want, it occurred to me. Perhaps I'm putting too much emphasis on how much (or little?) money I've made so far, and too little on how much I've actually accomplished. I guess I have blindly followed the theory that says we have to envision the amount of money we want to receive,and then go out and put your dreams into motion and it will eventually come to you. Or something like that. Anyway, I think it's too hard for my subconscious to figure out what specific steps I need to do in order to create $20K each and every month, so I have to put in some specifics.
I know that goes against all the law-of-attraction visions that they tell you to burn into your brain, but at this point I need concrete steps in this ladder of success. For me, getting 50 more articles published in the next 2 weeks, or finishing 20 Squidoo lenses on my newest product niche are more relevant than saying "let's shoot for x number of web visits" - which is pretty much what I've been doing. I consider that if I get x number of website visits, I will be able to make y amount of money, give or take. However, the first step should be to be specific about what steps it will take to get those visits, and go from there. This is just one example of my new list of goals, short-term at least, that have been revamped completely.
I believe this is what has been the reason that I have been unproductive lately, something was not right and I couldn't figure it out. I just needed to change my focus a little bit, which is usually the problem when I don't quite know why things aren't working. I'm going to focus on more short-term goals for awhile, making a weekly list of things I need to get done, and let the long-term money goals take care of themselves. This way if I can get the little things done each day, which will add up to bigger things each week, I should be able to gauge how much progress I'm getting more specifically. Adjustments will need to be made, but the list should not change much each week. This is why it is so critical to write your goals down, in as much detail as possible, so if things aren't going well and long-term goals aren't being met, you will certainly know why. As they say, the devil is in the details!
With that said, I realize that summer is here and I will have many distractions that will rip me from my goals, both short-term and long-term. So I guess my alter ego, the one that is more fun-loving than me, will win once in awhile. So be it, I need some distractions once in awhile, eh? Wasn't it Lennon who said "life is what happens while we're busy making other plans"...
so, let's get busy!
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Still moving in the right direction
Hello again,
Yes, it's been quite awhile since I wrote in this blog - about 2 months or so. I should be thoroughly embarrassed. And yet, I'm not. (btw, does the word "embarrassed" mean "with bare ass" in Greek?). I have been working very hard, and as you can see, my mind wanders sometimes. No, I can't claim ADD. I'm not dyslexic either, or just mentally unstable. I have been working on a plan to start a new website and got severely sidetracked.
What's that you say? Yes, I know blogs are meant to be updated daily. I got the memo a long time ago. I promise I will try harder, and come up with many, many ways that we can all improve our lives and become better people and not be so damn lazy all the time. Oops, did I say that out loud? Yes, I feel sometimes I am lazy, even though I do put in at least 60 hours or more (usually more) a week. That includes my regular job of course which is 40 hours, so really my business I only work about 20-30 hours per week. Which is pathetic, I know. For anybody that knows how much it takes to start a successful business, that is truly pathetic. That is why I'm writing this now. I need something to hold my feet to the fire, so to speak. Wait - what a brilliant idea! I will literally build a fire and scorch my feet everyday to remind me to work harder.
Ok, that may get dicey. Spending time in a hospital won't solve any problems, so I must think of another way. How can I motivate myself every day? I have tried the "think of how great your life will be" tactic, reminding myself how fantastic my freedom will be once I make enough money online to quit my JOB. (that means Just Over Broke, for you novices). Since that only works for awhile, I started thinking how miserable I would be if I didn't ever reach my goals. Since that is too depressing, I stopped doing that quickly. They say that we all move towards what we want, and away from what we don't want in life. However, once you "stabilize" to a middle ground, it's harder and harder to keep pushing yourself either way. The human mind wants to find a comfortable middle ground somewhere, so it's not constantly under the stress of pushing harder. The bad part is, if you don't keep pushing harder, you never get better, and if you don't get better, well it seems the status quo is kept. That is bad.
So I'm going to have to drastically change something in my thinking process to allow me to keep pushing harder, but at the same time be able to destress enough to not get burned out on it. Keep up the hard work but at the same time mix things up enough to remain creative, calm and confident. I know it can be done. I'm visualizing it as we speak. Ok as I write. Don't get picky - I know it is just a blog, but it's my life too. My next blog will detail improvements and how the whole process is shaping up. It is getting better, I feel that for certain.
Yes, it's been quite awhile since I wrote in this blog - about 2 months or so. I should be thoroughly embarrassed. And yet, I'm not. (btw, does the word "embarrassed" mean "with bare ass" in Greek?). I have been working very hard, and as you can see, my mind wanders sometimes. No, I can't claim ADD. I'm not dyslexic either, or just mentally unstable. I have been working on a plan to start a new website and got severely sidetracked.
What's that you say? Yes, I know blogs are meant to be updated daily. I got the memo a long time ago. I promise I will try harder, and come up with many, many ways that we can all improve our lives and become better people and not be so damn lazy all the time. Oops, did I say that out loud? Yes, I feel sometimes I am lazy, even though I do put in at least 60 hours or more (usually more) a week. That includes my regular job of course which is 40 hours, so really my business I only work about 20-30 hours per week. Which is pathetic, I know. For anybody that knows how much it takes to start a successful business, that is truly pathetic. That is why I'm writing this now. I need something to hold my feet to the fire, so to speak. Wait - what a brilliant idea! I will literally build a fire and scorch my feet everyday to remind me to work harder.
Ok, that may get dicey. Spending time in a hospital won't solve any problems, so I must think of another way. How can I motivate myself every day? I have tried the "think of how great your life will be" tactic, reminding myself how fantastic my freedom will be once I make enough money online to quit my JOB. (that means Just Over Broke, for you novices). Since that only works for awhile, I started thinking how miserable I would be if I didn't ever reach my goals. Since that is too depressing, I stopped doing that quickly. They say that we all move towards what we want, and away from what we don't want in life. However, once you "stabilize" to a middle ground, it's harder and harder to keep pushing yourself either way. The human mind wants to find a comfortable middle ground somewhere, so it's not constantly under the stress of pushing harder. The bad part is, if you don't keep pushing harder, you never get better, and if you don't get better, well it seems the status quo is kept. That is bad.
So I'm going to have to drastically change something in my thinking process to allow me to keep pushing harder, but at the same time be able to destress enough to not get burned out on it. Keep up the hard work but at the same time mix things up enough to remain creative, calm and confident. I know it can be done. I'm visualizing it as we speak. Ok as I write. Don't get picky - I know it is just a blog, but it's my life too. My next blog will detail improvements and how the whole process is shaping up. It is getting better, I feel that for certain.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Believe it, and you will see it
Good day,
There is an old expression that many of you probably learned as children that goes “I will believe it when I see it!” This is the common belief that we should only believe the things we see with our eyes, and not be so gullible as to believe things blindly until proven otherwise. Where did this saying come from, and does it still hold true?
I too used to think that in order to be sure you weren’t being “played”, you should always depend on things that are proven. In most cases this means “don’t believe in hearsay, don’t take anybody else’s word for it”. We’re told to get the facts and make sure what your getting is real. But what about the things you want to change in your life, things that if you could make them happen would literally change your world for the better? These are things that you must believe in first before you can see them. I’m not sure if you have ever heard that expression before, I only heard it within the past year or so from a spiritual guru/motivational speaker named Wayne Dyer. It’s one of those messages that when you first hear something inside of you immediately clicks, and a little light goes on. At least that was my experience, I thought “wow, that really makes sense!”. It makes sense to me in a way that at the time I was trying to make some major changes in my life, and having a difficult time of it.
So what is the point of it? If you don’t truly believe in the changes you wish to see in your life, the changes that must come from deep within you, then you will not ever seem them. If you don’t believe you can be a better person, it will never be manifested. This seems so obvious, once you think it through. But we are so programmed to only believe what we first see that at it almost seems like putting the cart before the horse! What if you told a person they could cure their cancer if they believed it strongly enough? In many cases this is exactly the circumstance, however only a person who truly believes that their mind can effect changes in their body will see the results. Is this like a “chicken and egg” theory? What comes first, your belief or your results? Any time you wish to make changes using the power of your mind, the belief system is the main system of power for these changes. And the only way for that to work is to believe, to trust that you can cause things to change and then you will see the results of your efforts. This is a hard concept for some to follow, unfortunately.
So what events or ideas have caused me to change my mind about the whole “see it when you believe it” theory? Many, many people that have told their personal stories about success. People that started from nothing, or were even more disadvantaged than most people, and still found a way to fulfill theirs dreams. People like Ed Roberts, who even with polio as a child (which caused him to be a quadriplegic) overcame severe disabilities to become head of the California Department of Vocation and Rehabilitation — the first person with disabilities to hold that post. Or the story of Nick Vujicic who was born without arms or legs, and leads a normal life and even gives motivational speeches! Check his story out if you get a chance, he’s a true inspiration. I could literally recite the stories of dozens more people that created a wonderful existence for themselves only from their belief that they could. But I’m sure you know where I’m going with this already, right? Take a moment to envision the life you want, belief with all your being that it will happen, and then take that belief to the next level and see it happen.
Visit us at the happiness place for more inspiration
There is an old expression that many of you probably learned as children that goes “I will believe it when I see it!” This is the common belief that we should only believe the things we see with our eyes, and not be so gullible as to believe things blindly until proven otherwise. Where did this saying come from, and does it still hold true?
I too used to think that in order to be sure you weren’t being “played”, you should always depend on things that are proven. In most cases this means “don’t believe in hearsay, don’t take anybody else’s word for it”. We’re told to get the facts and make sure what your getting is real. But what about the things you want to change in your life, things that if you could make them happen would literally change your world for the better? These are things that you must believe in first before you can see them. I’m not sure if you have ever heard that expression before, I only heard it within the past year or so from a spiritual guru/motivational speaker named Wayne Dyer. It’s one of those messages that when you first hear something inside of you immediately clicks, and a little light goes on. At least that was my experience, I thought “wow, that really makes sense!”. It makes sense to me in a way that at the time I was trying to make some major changes in my life, and having a difficult time of it.
So what is the point of it? If you don’t truly believe in the changes you wish to see in your life, the changes that must come from deep within you, then you will not ever seem them. If you don’t believe you can be a better person, it will never be manifested. This seems so obvious, once you think it through. But we are so programmed to only believe what we first see that at it almost seems like putting the cart before the horse! What if you told a person they could cure their cancer if they believed it strongly enough? In many cases this is exactly the circumstance, however only a person who truly believes that their mind can effect changes in their body will see the results. Is this like a “chicken and egg” theory? What comes first, your belief or your results? Any time you wish to make changes using the power of your mind, the belief system is the main system of power for these changes. And the only way for that to work is to believe, to trust that you can cause things to change and then you will see the results of your efforts. This is a hard concept for some to follow, unfortunately.
So what events or ideas have caused me to change my mind about the whole “see it when you believe it” theory? Many, many people that have told their personal stories about success. People that started from nothing, or were even more disadvantaged than most people, and still found a way to fulfill theirs dreams. People like Ed Roberts, who even with polio as a child (which caused him to be a quadriplegic) overcame severe disabilities to become head of the California Department of Vocation and Rehabilitation — the first person with disabilities to hold that post. Or the story of Nick Vujicic who was born without arms or legs, and leads a normal life and even gives motivational speeches! Check his story out if you get a chance, he’s a true inspiration. I could literally recite the stories of dozens more people that created a wonderful existence for themselves only from their belief that they could. But I’m sure you know where I’m going with this already, right? Take a moment to envision the life you want, belief with all your being that it will happen, and then take that belief to the next level and see it happen.
Visit us at the happiness place for more inspiration
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Boost your self esteem and find happiness
Good day,
Something has been bothering me lately, something I saw on a news story just the other day. There was this story about how popular a certain type of plastic surgery was, and it sounded as if quite a few people are getting this procedure done nowadays. Yes, very popular. We must really value our looks, I guess.
I don’t know about you, but I’m not so sure I would like to have someone cutting into my face, even if the end result would be an improvement! And the thing is? It’s not just women getting plastic surgery these days, men are as well. I’m not trying to be judgmental, mind you. I just think it’s way too common for so many people to be unhappy with their looks, and go to the extreme measure of getting surgery to fix it. Ok, that’s a little judgmental. But is there something that may be more important than having great looks? What about our internal being, our personality, how we appear to others through our actions. Isn’t that more important than our outward appearance? Maybe you agree, maybe not.
With all the money being spent on plastic surgery, and I’m sure it’s in the billions in this country, wouldn’t it be easier to try and fix our self-esteem and confidence than our faces? I certainly think so. Look, I’m not against getting surgery to fix something that’s actually broken, but just to get the “perfect” nose, or better cheek bones, or something I totally don’t understand, botox? What is that all about? Putting a poison into your skin so you don’t have that worried look all the time, wow. That would make me worry more, putting that stuff in my face! I would worry about what my self-esteem has come to, to need that kind of a fix…
So how do we deal with this problem, lack of self-esteem. Because we all know that the vast majority of people getting plastic surgery must have at least some lack thereof, what’s the answer? Self Esteem is how you feel about yourself. Image is about how you see yourself and how you believe others see you. They are closely connected because if you have a poor opinion of yourself your self esteem will be low. There are many ways to boost self-esteem, and here are a few:
1. Take an inventory of your good qualities. You may be surprised how many great things about you that go unnoticed. If you need help, just ask a friend, or better yet your mother! They know all the good things about you. Don’t hesitate to feel good about yourself!
2. Do something nice for someone. Believe it or not, doing a good deed for someone else makes you feel much better about yourself! (it’s a proven fact, jack)
3. Stay away from negative or pushy people. If you have friends or even people at work that are always negative, or seem to say things to you that make you feel badly, stay away from them! You don’t have to put up with these kinds of people, they aren’t good for you. Stay positive in your attitude, you will feel better about yourself.
4. Take time to work on things that need improvement. We all have things that we need to work on, whether it’s shyness, or difficulty in speaking up for ourselves, just know that working on these problems can make great improvements happen. Read a book specifically about your situation, then make a conscious effort to improve. You will see results!
5. Above all, believe in yourself. You are the one person that has control over what happens to you, so take control and be the person you know you can be.
Remember that building self-esteem and confidence in yourself don’t happen overnight, but it can happen if you really make the effort. After all, most people really don’t notice that your face isn’t perfect anyway. Who among us has a perfect face? Let’s work on the inside first, I promise that the last thing you will need is surgery to fix anything if you take care of your self esteem!
To your continued success and happiness!
Visit us at the happiness place
Something has been bothering me lately, something I saw on a news story just the other day. There was this story about how popular a certain type of plastic surgery was, and it sounded as if quite a few people are getting this procedure done nowadays. Yes, very popular. We must really value our looks, I guess.
I don’t know about you, but I’m not so sure I would like to have someone cutting into my face, even if the end result would be an improvement! And the thing is? It’s not just women getting plastic surgery these days, men are as well. I’m not trying to be judgmental, mind you. I just think it’s way too common for so many people to be unhappy with their looks, and go to the extreme measure of getting surgery to fix it. Ok, that’s a little judgmental. But is there something that may be more important than having great looks? What about our internal being, our personality, how we appear to others through our actions. Isn’t that more important than our outward appearance? Maybe you agree, maybe not.
With all the money being spent on plastic surgery, and I’m sure it’s in the billions in this country, wouldn’t it be easier to try and fix our self-esteem and confidence than our faces? I certainly think so. Look, I’m not against getting surgery to fix something that’s actually broken, but just to get the “perfect” nose, or better cheek bones, or something I totally don’t understand, botox? What is that all about? Putting a poison into your skin so you don’t have that worried look all the time, wow. That would make me worry more, putting that stuff in my face! I would worry about what my self-esteem has come to, to need that kind of a fix…
So how do we deal with this problem, lack of self-esteem. Because we all know that the vast majority of people getting plastic surgery must have at least some lack thereof, what’s the answer? Self Esteem is how you feel about yourself. Image is about how you see yourself and how you believe others see you. They are closely connected because if you have a poor opinion of yourself your self esteem will be low. There are many ways to boost self-esteem, and here are a few:
1. Take an inventory of your good qualities. You may be surprised how many great things about you that go unnoticed. If you need help, just ask a friend, or better yet your mother! They know all the good things about you. Don’t hesitate to feel good about yourself!
2. Do something nice for someone. Believe it or not, doing a good deed for someone else makes you feel much better about yourself! (it’s a proven fact, jack)
3. Stay away from negative or pushy people. If you have friends or even people at work that are always negative, or seem to say things to you that make you feel badly, stay away from them! You don’t have to put up with these kinds of people, they aren’t good for you. Stay positive in your attitude, you will feel better about yourself.
4. Take time to work on things that need improvement. We all have things that we need to work on, whether it’s shyness, or difficulty in speaking up for ourselves, just know that working on these problems can make great improvements happen. Read a book specifically about your situation, then make a conscious effort to improve. You will see results!
5. Above all, believe in yourself. You are the one person that has control over what happens to you, so take control and be the person you know you can be.
Remember that building self-esteem and confidence in yourself don’t happen overnight, but it can happen if you really make the effort. After all, most people really don’t notice that your face isn’t perfect anyway. Who among us has a perfect face? Let’s work on the inside first, I promise that the last thing you will need is surgery to fix anything if you take care of your self esteem!
To your continued success and happiness!
Visit us at the happiness place
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Are your moods really contagious?
Hello again,
We all know that the common cold is contagious – most of us catch at least one or more of these nasty annoyances every year. Did you know that your moods can be contagious as well? It may not seem possible, but in a subtle way we all can “catch” another persons bad mood, or good mood, depending on certain factors.
How does this happen? I’m sure you’ve been in a situation before where you’re at work, and someone comes over with something very important that they want to share with you. They seem very excited about it, and pass the good news on to you. If they are conveying to you a happy story about something or someone you also are interested in, or just a funny anecdote that you both find amusing, your mood will undoubtedly be affected at least for a few minutes. You can’t help be put in a good mood! This is an obvious way, but in a more subtle way, what if you just talk briefly with someone on the street, someone you don’t even know. You catch their expression, which seems very distressed and unhappy. Did you know you are very likely to mimic the persons expression, if only for a few milliseconds? Research shows that some people are more prone to pass on their moods due to their more frequent use of facial expressions. Others apparently are more susceptible as a recipient of this contagious effect.
According to Dr. Elaine Hatfield, a psychologist at the University of Hawaii, "Emotional contagion happens within milliseconds, so quick you can't control it, and so subtly that you're not really aware it's going on”. This is more true of very subtle emotions such as cheerfulness, melancholy or irritability, because the vast majority of emotional life, researchers have found, is in this range. Your not likely to “go ballistic” because you see someone else having a temper tantrum, luckily. But in every day life we not only pass on our moods to others, but catch certain moods from other people depending on a) the relative strength of one persons mood, compared to another person and b) the level of synchronicity that is being experienced by the two people. If one person is in a relatively depressed or sad mood, he or she will seek out another who is also in the same mood. For some reason we all seek to “validate” our moods and so it appears we feel drawn to people that share our mood at the moment. "People seek to confirm whatever view they hold of themselves, even if, for the moment, it is a negative one," said Dr. Gordon Bower, a psychologist at Stanford University who is a leader in the research on moods. "In general, you seek out people who are in the same mood you are in."
It is perhaps no surprise that people's moods affect how they see their future. On a daily basis, we aren’t aware of these subtle swings in mood. Psychologists point out that people are largely unaware that a good or bad mood is creating an optimistic or pessimistic outlook: it simply seems that the facts support one or another view. Aren’t we conscious of this? Appalling.
So how can we use this to our advantage? Ah, yes. You knew I was going to try and find a useful connection in all of this at some point, didn’t you? The lesson to be learned, if not obvious, is to stay away from depressed people! Ok, that’s probably not fair. You don’t want to seem insensitive to others feelings, so let’s just say that if you are confronted with another person that is in a decidedly bad or depressed mood, remind yourself that you are in a good mood and try not to “catch” the other persons mood. In fact it would be good if you could try your best to transfer some of your happiness to the other person, although that can many times be a difficult task!
Either way, do your best to be conscious of your moods on a daily basis. In this way you have more control over not only your mood, but also whether you are affected by the moods of others. I don’t know if some people are “carriers” or not, but if so I would want to be a carrier of good moods rather than bad. Just another of my points of happiness to strive for, I guess. And by the way, if you’re in a bad mood, keep your distance ok? Just kidding…
To your continued success and happiness!
Find happiness here!
We all know that the common cold is contagious – most of us catch at least one or more of these nasty annoyances every year. Did you know that your moods can be contagious as well? It may not seem possible, but in a subtle way we all can “catch” another persons bad mood, or good mood, depending on certain factors.
How does this happen? I’m sure you’ve been in a situation before where you’re at work, and someone comes over with something very important that they want to share with you. They seem very excited about it, and pass the good news on to you. If they are conveying to you a happy story about something or someone you also are interested in, or just a funny anecdote that you both find amusing, your mood will undoubtedly be affected at least for a few minutes. You can’t help be put in a good mood! This is an obvious way, but in a more subtle way, what if you just talk briefly with someone on the street, someone you don’t even know. You catch their expression, which seems very distressed and unhappy. Did you know you are very likely to mimic the persons expression, if only for a few milliseconds? Research shows that some people are more prone to pass on their moods due to their more frequent use of facial expressions. Others apparently are more susceptible as a recipient of this contagious effect.
According to Dr. Elaine Hatfield, a psychologist at the University of Hawaii, "Emotional contagion happens within milliseconds, so quick you can't control it, and so subtly that you're not really aware it's going on”. This is more true of very subtle emotions such as cheerfulness, melancholy or irritability, because the vast majority of emotional life, researchers have found, is in this range. Your not likely to “go ballistic” because you see someone else having a temper tantrum, luckily. But in every day life we not only pass on our moods to others, but catch certain moods from other people depending on a) the relative strength of one persons mood, compared to another person and b) the level of synchronicity that is being experienced by the two people. If one person is in a relatively depressed or sad mood, he or she will seek out another who is also in the same mood. For some reason we all seek to “validate” our moods and so it appears we feel drawn to people that share our mood at the moment. "People seek to confirm whatever view they hold of themselves, even if, for the moment, it is a negative one," said Dr. Gordon Bower, a psychologist at Stanford University who is a leader in the research on moods. "In general, you seek out people who are in the same mood you are in."
It is perhaps no surprise that people's moods affect how they see their future. On a daily basis, we aren’t aware of these subtle swings in mood. Psychologists point out that people are largely unaware that a good or bad mood is creating an optimistic or pessimistic outlook: it simply seems that the facts support one or another view. Aren’t we conscious of this? Appalling.
So how can we use this to our advantage? Ah, yes. You knew I was going to try and find a useful connection in all of this at some point, didn’t you? The lesson to be learned, if not obvious, is to stay away from depressed people! Ok, that’s probably not fair. You don’t want to seem insensitive to others feelings, so let’s just say that if you are confronted with another person that is in a decidedly bad or depressed mood, remind yourself that you are in a good mood and try not to “catch” the other persons mood. In fact it would be good if you could try your best to transfer some of your happiness to the other person, although that can many times be a difficult task!
Either way, do your best to be conscious of your moods on a daily basis. In this way you have more control over not only your mood, but also whether you are affected by the moods of others. I don’t know if some people are “carriers” or not, but if so I would want to be a carrier of good moods rather than bad. Just another of my points of happiness to strive for, I guess. And by the way, if you’re in a bad mood, keep your distance ok? Just kidding…
To your continued success and happiness!
Find happiness here!
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
How much attention do we really need?
I’m writing today about something that happened very recently in the news, and I just couldn’t ignore it. It’s one of those things that you just have to pay attention to, because you think there can’t be any way it’s true! Apparently a woman in Florida went to a McDonalds restaurant where she planned on buying some “mc-nuggets” for her dinner. She ordered the nuggets, paid for them, and waited for her order. After a few minutes she was told they had run out of this fine culinary treat for which she had already paid for, but they would be glad to give her something else instead. Well, being a huge fan of the nuggets, this woman would have none of it. After being told the store had a “no refund” policy, she went outside and dialed 911 and promptly reported to the police that she couldn’t get her nuggets, and they wouldn’t give her the money back. Ok, you probably think I made this up, but no. It really happened. And the worst part is, she called three times because the police didn’t respond fast enough!
I’m not going to try and defend the McDonalds in any way, because they showed a true lack of customer service skills in this case in my opinion. However, what is it that would make a person call the police because they couldn’t have exactly the meal they ordered at a fast-food restaurant? Is this in any way a police related emergency? Of course not, any rational or even remotely sane person knows that’s not what the 911 emergency system is for. Of course, the woman was arrested and cited for abusing the emergency system, to her surprise no doubt. But what is really going on here? Can anybody take a guess? Of course, another case of someone seeking their 15 minutes of fame. Oh, yeah. She is now on every newscast from New York to California, the three audio tapes from her separate phone calls to 911 (which are recorded automatically, and are public record!) are now on more than a dozen websites including YouTube.com. Yes, she will be famous in no time! How impressive.
Why is this a common thing in our country? I’m not sure if it’s really something that happens in Europe, or Japan, or Iceland, or any other country or continent of the world. Possibly just in good ol’ US, right here, where attention can get you on TV, get you interviewed by famous personalities, and if you’re lucky get you a tour of the country on the talk show circuit. Why, some even get book deals worth millions! Just get your face plastered all over the news for doing something outrageous, whether it’s good or bad really doesn’t matter, and people start a “buzz” over it very quickly. Once you are on YouTube, forget it. You are seen by thousands in matter of hours, possibly hundreds of thousands even. Are we that starved for attention in this country? Is there some kind of payoff for doing this crap? I guess if you are the kind of person that is just starved for attention, maybe because you weren’t hugged as a child or whatever, it fills some void in your life. But really, is it worth it? This woman will quickly become the laughing stock of her town and be unable to go anywhere with being laughed at and pointed at
for months. I really hope she’s happy.
Visit my website for more happiness for life
I’m not going to try and defend the McDonalds in any way, because they showed a true lack of customer service skills in this case in my opinion. However, what is it that would make a person call the police because they couldn’t have exactly the meal they ordered at a fast-food restaurant? Is this in any way a police related emergency? Of course not, any rational or even remotely sane person knows that’s not what the 911 emergency system is for. Of course, the woman was arrested and cited for abusing the emergency system, to her surprise no doubt. But what is really going on here? Can anybody take a guess? Of course, another case of someone seeking their 15 minutes of fame. Oh, yeah. She is now on every newscast from New York to California, the three audio tapes from her separate phone calls to 911 (which are recorded automatically, and are public record!) are now on more than a dozen websites including YouTube.com. Yes, she will be famous in no time! How impressive.
Why is this a common thing in our country? I’m not sure if it’s really something that happens in Europe, or Japan, or Iceland, or any other country or continent of the world. Possibly just in good ol’ US, right here, where attention can get you on TV, get you interviewed by famous personalities, and if you’re lucky get you a tour of the country on the talk show circuit. Why, some even get book deals worth millions! Just get your face plastered all over the news for doing something outrageous, whether it’s good or bad really doesn’t matter, and people start a “buzz” over it very quickly. Once you are on YouTube, forget it. You are seen by thousands in matter of hours, possibly hundreds of thousands even. Are we that starved for attention in this country? Is there some kind of payoff for doing this crap? I guess if you are the kind of person that is just starved for attention, maybe because you weren’t hugged as a child or whatever, it fills some void in your life. But really, is it worth it? This woman will quickly become the laughing stock of her town and be unable to go anywhere with being laughed at and pointed at
for months. I really hope she’s happy.
Visit my website for more happiness for life
Friday, February 27, 2009
You must take risks, to get more rewards!
Good day,
As you may know by now I write an awful lot about motivation and success, and striving for goals. However, there are many different things that stop us from reaching our goals - some people plead ignorance (I don't know where to start!), some just plain procrastinate, and others are paralyzed by fear of the unknown. The unknown being "what would happen if I take a chance and try to go back to college and fail" or something of that nature. This brings me to the subject of risk-taking. Life can be risky, or life can be dull. You just can't have it both ways though. It's either one way or the other for the most part. The thing is that without risk we never challenge ourselves, we never try new things, we never get ahead.
I know a bit about fear, believe me. I was afraid for many years to try certain things; the risk of failure was just too great. But if you think about it we don't grow as human beings without risking something in life. We don't get new jobs without some risk, we don't get a new lover without some risk, and we just don't get much of anything good in life without some risk! So what is it that holds us back, besides fear? Besides the fear of losing, the fear of being wrong, the fear of offending someone else, the fear of other people knowing something about us that makes us vulnerable, is there possibly a larger fear? How about fear of knowing that if we don't do the things in life that really matter to us, we will die knowing we could have done more? That is one of my fears, too. If you project yourself 40, 50, 60 years into the future (depending on your current age) and see yourself in the future, what do you want others to think of you? What accomplishments do you want to be able to brag about to your grand kids? What can you think of that if not master or accomplished, will leave you feeling shorted in life?
I guess the point I'm trying to make is that we have to strike a balance between the things we're most afraid of doing, and the things we will eventually regret if we don't do them. After all, by the time we're adults we realize that taking risks rarely results in death or dismemberment. This does not apply to the crew of Jackass, of course. For most people, taking risks involves the possibility of being embarrassed, or losing money, or breaking up a relationship, something that stings but rarely is fatal. I like to say, "What's the worst thing that could happen?" If you balance that with the best thing that could happen, the best possible outcome of your risk-taking, it's almost always worth it. Or is it? You decide for yourself, but let's look at some comparisons that I totally made up just now:
Risk #1 - Certain baseball players are notorious for their ability to get hits consistently, most notably Reggie Jackson. How often do we associate great sluggers with being risk-takers though? They are, if they want to be known as homerun kings, because it's a fact that most homerun kings also have the most strikeouts. Why? The only way to hit a homer is to fully commit to swinging as hard as you can at the pitch. Most players are too tentative, and are lucky to get a single or double. Jackson struck out 2,597 times while getting 563 home runs. Not a bad average, eh?
Risk #2 - The founding fathers of our country! Yes, our founding fathers were risking everything to break away from Great Britain. They all knew that when they gathered to write the Declaration of Independence back in 1776, if they were caught they would all most likely hang. But the risk was obviously worth it, since founding this new country was they only way to break free from the tyranny of England and arise a free nation. Great risk, great reward! I'm so glad they did, too.
Risk #3 - How about Donald Trump? Love him or hate him, he lost nearly everything back in the late 1980's but came back to score bigger than ever. How did he do it? He risked it all by telling the banks they better renegotiate his loans with them, or they would lose it all. (And that worked?) He knows that only risk-takers make it big, although sometimes they lose big too. What is the difference? Guys like Trump don't mind risking it again, starting over if necessary, trying something new, despite the odds.
Ok, those are just a few of the risky people I can mention here. I'm sure if you think about it you can name more, but what about you? Are you willing to take a risk, to start that business, or go back to college, or train for a marathon, or finally meet that women at the library you can't help thinking about (yes, I saw you checking her out)? We have to if we want to stretch ourselves, to move beyond our ordinary lives. Another way to look at it is why not go for the reward, rather than think about the risk? If you can focus on what you stand to gain the chances you will finally just "go for it" are much greater. So go ahead, get out there and take some chances, the odds are with you! Besides, I know you can do it...
Visit us at the happiness place for more updates and articles!
As you may know by now I write an awful lot about motivation and success, and striving for goals. However, there are many different things that stop us from reaching our goals - some people plead ignorance (I don't know where to start!), some just plain procrastinate, and others are paralyzed by fear of the unknown. The unknown being "what would happen if I take a chance and try to go back to college and fail" or something of that nature. This brings me to the subject of risk-taking. Life can be risky, or life can be dull. You just can't have it both ways though. It's either one way or the other for the most part. The thing is that without risk we never challenge ourselves, we never try new things, we never get ahead.
I know a bit about fear, believe me. I was afraid for many years to try certain things; the risk of failure was just too great. But if you think about it we don't grow as human beings without risking something in life. We don't get new jobs without some risk, we don't get a new lover without some risk, and we just don't get much of anything good in life without some risk! So what is it that holds us back, besides fear? Besides the fear of losing, the fear of being wrong, the fear of offending someone else, the fear of other people knowing something about us that makes us vulnerable, is there possibly a larger fear? How about fear of knowing that if we don't do the things in life that really matter to us, we will die knowing we could have done more? That is one of my fears, too. If you project yourself 40, 50, 60 years into the future (depending on your current age) and see yourself in the future, what do you want others to think of you? What accomplishments do you want to be able to brag about to your grand kids? What can you think of that if not master or accomplished, will leave you feeling shorted in life?
I guess the point I'm trying to make is that we have to strike a balance between the things we're most afraid of doing, and the things we will eventually regret if we don't do them. After all, by the time we're adults we realize that taking risks rarely results in death or dismemberment. This does not apply to the crew of Jackass, of course. For most people, taking risks involves the possibility of being embarrassed, or losing money, or breaking up a relationship, something that stings but rarely is fatal. I like to say, "What's the worst thing that could happen?" If you balance that with the best thing that could happen, the best possible outcome of your risk-taking, it's almost always worth it. Or is it? You decide for yourself, but let's look at some comparisons that I totally made up just now:
Risk #1 - Certain baseball players are notorious for their ability to get hits consistently, most notably Reggie Jackson. How often do we associate great sluggers with being risk-takers though? They are, if they want to be known as homerun kings, because it's a fact that most homerun kings also have the most strikeouts. Why? The only way to hit a homer is to fully commit to swinging as hard as you can at the pitch. Most players are too tentative, and are lucky to get a single or double. Jackson struck out 2,597 times while getting 563 home runs. Not a bad average, eh?
Risk #2 - The founding fathers of our country! Yes, our founding fathers were risking everything to break away from Great Britain. They all knew that when they gathered to write the Declaration of Independence back in 1776, if they were caught they would all most likely hang. But the risk was obviously worth it, since founding this new country was they only way to break free from the tyranny of England and arise a free nation. Great risk, great reward! I'm so glad they did, too.
Risk #3 - How about Donald Trump? Love him or hate him, he lost nearly everything back in the late 1980's but came back to score bigger than ever. How did he do it? He risked it all by telling the banks they better renegotiate his loans with them, or they would lose it all. (And that worked?) He knows that only risk-takers make it big, although sometimes they lose big too. What is the difference? Guys like Trump don't mind risking it again, starting over if necessary, trying something new, despite the odds.
Ok, those are just a few of the risky people I can mention here. I'm sure if you think about it you can name more, but what about you? Are you willing to take a risk, to start that business, or go back to college, or train for a marathon, or finally meet that women at the library you can't help thinking about (yes, I saw you checking her out)? We have to if we want to stretch ourselves, to move beyond our ordinary lives. Another way to look at it is why not go for the reward, rather than think about the risk? If you can focus on what you stand to gain the chances you will finally just "go for it" are much greater. So go ahead, get out there and take some chances, the odds are with you! Besides, I know you can do it...
Visit us at the happiness place for more updates and articles!
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
What's your happiness set point?
Hello and good day,
Are you one those people that are almost always happy, no matter what is happening in your life? Well me neither, but I’ve known a few people like that in my life and it never ceases to amaze me at their natural ability to maintain a smile every day. A friend of mine is like that, and I have to shake my head in amazement when something goes wrong and he just makes a joke as if it was nothing. That is definitely a great attitude!
Is that a natural inborn thing? I think in some people it is, and really if you think about it we all have a “happiness set point” when we’re born, just a genetic predisposition like any other. Some folks have brown hair, others blonde. Some are left-handed and others are weird. Yes, I’m left-handed. Why do you ask? Anyway, it has to be like any other trait we are born with. Studies have been done on twins and results have shown that we’re born with a “predisposition to feel and express emotions within a certain range”, which varies within a certain range. However, the larger part of our happiness set point is thought to be within our power since actions we take and thoughts we control are obviously a huge part of that influence on happiness. A psychologist by the name of Martin Seligman (
So if you are not one of the few lucky ones that is born in a great mood all the time, what to do? Luckily there are many ways to boost our happiness, and according to researchers Sonja Lyubomirsky, Kennon Sheldon, and David Schkade there is even a happiness equation to illustrate this important relationship:
S + C + V = H (set point + circumstances + voluntary behavior = happiness). What that means is that you are born with a certain happiness set point but you don’t have to be satisfied with your life the way you are born. You can change your circumstances by making changes to your behavior. The question is, what changes should you make? In other words, what makes you happy? That is a question you will have to answer yourself, because everyone is different. Nevertheless, I really believe that is the hardest part for many people!
I know it’s insane, but many people seem to drift through life with no real “long-term” vision, which means they know what makes them happy for the moment, but not what will really fulfill their needs on a long-term basis. That, in my opinion, is the real definition of happiness. Once you figure out the really important things, you can then start making solid plans for obtaining those goals. Do I really love my job? How about my career path? How about my relationship, do I see myself staying where I’m at for the next five years, ten years, even twenty years? Am I spiritually where I want to be? If not, how can I get there? (I know I’m getting off track with the happiness set point topic, but don’t worry I will tie this all together soon). These are questions of course that people have asked since the days of Aristotle. In fact he actually said “all human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsion, habit, reason, passion, and desire.” Well I guess that narrows it down pretty well, thanks Ari. But how much control do we really have, and how much is inborn and thus difficult to change?
The good news is that most modern psychologists say between 50% and 80% of our happiness is really under our control! (In other words, don’t try to blame your parents if you are a grump). And of course we can’t be happy all the time either, in fact it’s probably not even a realistic goal to set. But if you work on a well-defined list of characteristics that most happy people seem to present, your chances are certainly much improved. I have read that the happiest among us have these traits in common:
- enjoy what they do for a living
- have close relationships with family & friends
- have a certain amount of faith (spiritual element)
- describe themselves as optimists
- have at least a modicum of good health
- and last, but not least, have enough material things that they don’t worry about food or shelter for themselves or their family
I hope this helps some people put in perspective what happiness means to them, and how much we really can do to change how we feel about it. Don’t wait, make your list today and get started for your happiness.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Make it a "do or die" goal this time
Hello again,
What I’m going to say today may sound a little extreme to some of you – I don’t really care though. Sometimes you just have to say it the way you think it, no holds barred. This lesson is about making goals, or more to the point, about keeping your goals.
I’m sure you’ve made goals in the past – some of which have been met, and maybe some of which have not quite been reached. Why do you think you can’t reach certain goals? Is it because they are just over your limit, more than you “belief system” can handle?
Or is it because you just didn’t put enough weight on them? What do I mean by that you ask? I mean are they goals that you can’t live without. Goals that mean so much to you that if they aren’t met, you feel as if you have failed miserably. At some point in your life you will probably have a few goals like this, ones that you know if you don’t reach it will haunt you forever, you just can’t give them up for anything. I have a special name for my goals like this…
They are the “do or die” goals – or DOD for short. Yes, I said it. If I don’t reach some of the goals I set for myself I will feel really dead inside, so I may as well be dead. Ok, not literally, but they are must have things in life that drive me every day, no matter what else is going on in my life. The top of the line if you will, and I’m sure you have a at least one or two of them too. What would these goals be you ask? I think maybe most people would say finding the perfect mate to marry, that “soul mate” that they need in life to be completely happy deep down. Others may say that a financial goal is most important, or finding that perfect gig, career, job with the perfect company, or perfect home business. What ever it is, you must have it, do or die, no matter what.
I believe it was Curtis Jackson (aka Fifty Cent, the rapper) who made the expression popular, but many have probably also said it as well – that he wanted to “get rich or die trying”. That is a little extreme, I know. However, like Curtis, if you have a goal in your mind that you must reach, then that is how you feel about it. Now I know that thought goes against nearly every person that espouses the law of attraction mindset, which is to be spiritual and giving and to let the energy flow until you feel it inside, then all the happiness will flow from your very being and all your dreams will come true. Right? Well I think that sometimes you just have to do whatever it takes to reach your goals (short of hurting others or taking advantage of anyone else) and set your mind in motion to reach them no matter what, do or die. If that goes against your philosophy, I’m not going to apologize or feel badly. You must make your own judgment as to how far you will go, how hard you will work, what sacrifices you will make to reach your goals. Am I talking mostly about a “psychological paradigm” here? I believe that’s the word for it, yes. It’s the ability to reach a certain level of mindset where you are obsessed, totally devoured by your goals. Some would say that is wrong, but maybe those people just don’t have what it takes to be successful and reach their goals. I still believe you must have a balance in life, but there are certain times that you need that extra push, that do or die mindset, to get where you need to go. If you agree with me, let me know. Otherwise, let’s just agree to disagree, ok?
To your continued success and happiness!
the happiness place
What I’m going to say today may sound a little extreme to some of you – I don’t really care though. Sometimes you just have to say it the way you think it, no holds barred. This lesson is about making goals, or more to the point, about keeping your goals.
I’m sure you’ve made goals in the past – some of which have been met, and maybe some of which have not quite been reached. Why do you think you can’t reach certain goals? Is it because they are just over your limit, more than you “belief system” can handle?
Or is it because you just didn’t put enough weight on them? What do I mean by that you ask? I mean are they goals that you can’t live without. Goals that mean so much to you that if they aren’t met, you feel as if you have failed miserably. At some point in your life you will probably have a few goals like this, ones that you know if you don’t reach it will haunt you forever, you just can’t give them up for anything. I have a special name for my goals like this…
They are the “do or die” goals – or DOD for short. Yes, I said it. If I don’t reach some of the goals I set for myself I will feel really dead inside, so I may as well be dead. Ok, not literally, but they are must have things in life that drive me every day, no matter what else is going on in my life. The top of the line if you will, and I’m sure you have a at least one or two of them too. What would these goals be you ask? I think maybe most people would say finding the perfect mate to marry, that “soul mate” that they need in life to be completely happy deep down. Others may say that a financial goal is most important, or finding that perfect gig, career, job with the perfect company, or perfect home business. What ever it is, you must have it, do or die, no matter what.
I believe it was Curtis Jackson (aka Fifty Cent, the rapper) who made the expression popular, but many have probably also said it as well – that he wanted to “get rich or die trying”. That is a little extreme, I know. However, like Curtis, if you have a goal in your mind that you must reach, then that is how you feel about it. Now I know that thought goes against nearly every person that espouses the law of attraction mindset, which is to be spiritual and giving and to let the energy flow until you feel it inside, then all the happiness will flow from your very being and all your dreams will come true. Right? Well I think that sometimes you just have to do whatever it takes to reach your goals (short of hurting others or taking advantage of anyone else) and set your mind in motion to reach them no matter what, do or die. If that goes against your philosophy, I’m not going to apologize or feel badly. You must make your own judgment as to how far you will go, how hard you will work, what sacrifices you will make to reach your goals. Am I talking mostly about a “psychological paradigm” here? I believe that’s the word for it, yes. It’s the ability to reach a certain level of mindset where you are obsessed, totally devoured by your goals. Some would say that is wrong, but maybe those people just don’t have what it takes to be successful and reach their goals. I still believe you must have a balance in life, but there are certain times that you need that extra push, that do or die mindset, to get where you need to go. If you agree with me, let me know. Otherwise, let’s just agree to disagree, ok?
To your continued success and happiness!
the happiness place
Monday, January 5, 2009
Do you have the magic ingredient to success?
Good day,
I know a lot of you probably think you have it, but if you're not headed quickly in the direction of your goals, and having at least a modicum of success, you may be missing the main ingredient to success in life. What is it? It's what makes you keep going when you really don't feel like working any more. It's what causes you to keep making changes at your job, or business, or whatever it is you do, until you are totally satisfied it's "right". It's what makes good people great, and keep doing what they do year in and year out.
Ok, if you can't guess what I'm talking about I must divulge the secret - one word, discipline. Yup, that's it. Without it the smartest person can't do much at all. Without it, the most talented people in the world fall flat on their faces! It's the one thing you just can't be successful without, am I right? So do you have enough of it yet? Could it be that is the main reason you aren't reaching the kind of success you have been looking for?
I speak and write a lot about having passion for what you do in life, whether it's your job or business, and I still think that's extremely important to success as well. However, without the discipline to keep focused on what you need to do every day it's very hard to accomplish what you need to do. As they say, good intentions are useless without the follow through, and that is done with discipline. You don't have to be a drill sargeant, but if you can't make yourself do what you have to do on a daily basis, you are just not going to make it this competitive world my friend! It's that simple...
So I guess the question begs - if I don't have enough discipline, how can I improve it? Is it something I can fix? Of course, being lazy isn't a genetic defect, it's just a bad habit like many others. If you have that habit, then you have to break it fast. Will it take some work? You bet, it's gonna take a bunch of work. Like any bad habit you have to first resolve yourself that it can be changed, and they way to break any habit is to be conscious about it and know your weaknesses. You aren't consciously being lazy, are you? It's something that you do without thinking most likely, so start being conscious and in control more each day. Also, write down the things you want to accomplish on a daily basis, this forces you to think about what you know you need to do, and the excuse of "I forgot!" is totally taken away. If you need to, keep that list with you at all times. I must say, I make the lists myself nearly every day because I know if I don't I will forget something, so do it! If it works, keep doing it. If it doesn't work for you, try harder or try something else. Everybody is different, but some things like this work for almost everybody.
You know, that's the thing about discipline. If you don't have any at all, it's going to be a bunch of work to develop it. But the work will be well worth it, because you will notice your productivity will explode and you will find you can accomplish much more on a daliy basis. Besides what's the alternative? Go through life being lazy and unproductive? I don't think so! You must, for your own good, get this magic ingredient to success. So write it down, tattoo it on your arm, whatever you need to do. Just get it!
To your continued success and happiness!
I know a lot of you probably think you have it, but if you're not headed quickly in the direction of your goals, and having at least a modicum of success, you may be missing the main ingredient to success in life. What is it? It's what makes you keep going when you really don't feel like working any more. It's what causes you to keep making changes at your job, or business, or whatever it is you do, until you are totally satisfied it's "right". It's what makes good people great, and keep doing what they do year in and year out.
Ok, if you can't guess what I'm talking about I must divulge the secret - one word, discipline. Yup, that's it. Without it the smartest person can't do much at all. Without it, the most talented people in the world fall flat on their faces! It's the one thing you just can't be successful without, am I right? So do you have enough of it yet? Could it be that is the main reason you aren't reaching the kind of success you have been looking for?
I speak and write a lot about having passion for what you do in life, whether it's your job or business, and I still think that's extremely important to success as well. However, without the discipline to keep focused on what you need to do every day it's very hard to accomplish what you need to do. As they say, good intentions are useless without the follow through, and that is done with discipline. You don't have to be a drill sargeant, but if you can't make yourself do what you have to do on a daily basis, you are just not going to make it this competitive world my friend! It's that simple...
So I guess the question begs - if I don't have enough discipline, how can I improve it? Is it something I can fix? Of course, being lazy isn't a genetic defect, it's just a bad habit like many others. If you have that habit, then you have to break it fast. Will it take some work? You bet, it's gonna take a bunch of work. Like any bad habit you have to first resolve yourself that it can be changed, and they way to break any habit is to be conscious about it and know your weaknesses. You aren't consciously being lazy, are you? It's something that you do without thinking most likely, so start being conscious and in control more each day. Also, write down the things you want to accomplish on a daily basis, this forces you to think about what you know you need to do, and the excuse of "I forgot!" is totally taken away. If you need to, keep that list with you at all times. I must say, I make the lists myself nearly every day because I know if I don't I will forget something, so do it! If it works, keep doing it. If it doesn't work for you, try harder or try something else. Everybody is different, but some things like this work for almost everybody.
You know, that's the thing about discipline. If you don't have any at all, it's going to be a bunch of work to develop it. But the work will be well worth it, because you will notice your productivity will explode and you will find you can accomplish much more on a daliy basis. Besides what's the alternative? Go through life being lazy and unproductive? I don't think so! You must, for your own good, get this magic ingredient to success. So write it down, tattoo it on your arm, whatever you need to do. Just get it!
To your continued success and happiness!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Do New Years resolutions work?
Happy New Year & hello,
Every year many people typically make some kind of New Years resolution - whether it's to quit smoking, lose weight, make more money, be on time, or whatever. Usually it's something that they would like to do or quit doing, and that would improve their lives in the long run. So what's wrong with that? Nothing, nothing at all. It's a positive step in the right direction for most people, so that's the good part. The bad part about resolutions is that in most cases they just don't work, period. Have you ever in your life known anybody that actually quit smoking on the first day of a new year, and never started again? How about losing weight - do you know anybody that lost a bunch of weight and kept it off after starting a new diet on the first day of the year? I haven't...
Ok, I'm not one to be negative. I'm always finding positive in everything so what can I find that's positive about resolutions? The best thing about them, as I said before, is they are a positive step in the right direction. If people only think about changing themselves once a year, on the first day of that year, so be it. Some people never even consider that at all! So the good thing is at least it's a start. The keyword is "start", because it's never the end all for anyone. If getting yourself to see your bad habits once a year get's you to make some changes, that's good. Of course it would be much better to think that way all year long, but most people are "too busy" to think about that stuff on a regular basis. Sad, but true. So what about making a New Years resolution to start being a better person all year long? Wow, if only we could stick to that for more than a few days.
I believe most people have other reasons for making resolutions, too. The passing of another year has a psychological impact on everybody, like a marking of time that has passed before our eyes. If you have a really big, landmark birthday coming up, it's even more significant. Are you turning 30 this year? Maybe a decade or two more than that? Ok, you know what I mean then. The passing of certain birthdays really mean a lot to us, a realization that we are not only growing older, but may be missing our chance to do certain things or become what we really want to be as a person. Did you always wish you could travel around the world, but realize that time is running out for you? Or maybe go back to college and finish your degree, or get training for that job you always wanted. The passing of time makes us a little nervous about reaching these landmark changes in our lives, and I believe that has something to do with the whole resolution thing.
So does that mean we shouldn't make resolutions, since most of us won't adhere to them anyway? Of course not! What we should do is make resolutions more often, but call them goals instead, and write them down. Writing things down has a way of making them more real, and in some ways holds our feet to the fire a little bit. If you make a New Years resolution and don't even write it down, the odds that you will even remember it in 2-3 weeks are slim, let alone still be pusuing it! So my advice (which I do myself, of course) is to write down your goals for the year coming up, and seriously think about ways to achieve them. Then post them on your mirror in the bathroom or somewhere you will see them every day. This way you won't be able to forget them. It might even help if you tell a loved one or spouse about some of them, which will give you some support to really take this seriously. Ultimately, only you have the power to make changes in your life, so get busy living!
Visit us at the happiness place for more helpful articles!
Every year many people typically make some kind of New Years resolution - whether it's to quit smoking, lose weight, make more money, be on time, or whatever. Usually it's something that they would like to do or quit doing, and that would improve their lives in the long run. So what's wrong with that? Nothing, nothing at all. It's a positive step in the right direction for most people, so that's the good part. The bad part about resolutions is that in most cases they just don't work, period. Have you ever in your life known anybody that actually quit smoking on the first day of a new year, and never started again? How about losing weight - do you know anybody that lost a bunch of weight and kept it off after starting a new diet on the first day of the year? I haven't...
Ok, I'm not one to be negative. I'm always finding positive in everything so what can I find that's positive about resolutions? The best thing about them, as I said before, is they are a positive step in the right direction. If people only think about changing themselves once a year, on the first day of that year, so be it. Some people never even consider that at all! So the good thing is at least it's a start. The keyword is "start", because it's never the end all for anyone. If getting yourself to see your bad habits once a year get's you to make some changes, that's good. Of course it would be much better to think that way all year long, but most people are "too busy" to think about that stuff on a regular basis. Sad, but true. So what about making a New Years resolution to start being a better person all year long? Wow, if only we could stick to that for more than a few days.
I believe most people have other reasons for making resolutions, too. The passing of another year has a psychological impact on everybody, like a marking of time that has passed before our eyes. If you have a really big, landmark birthday coming up, it's even more significant. Are you turning 30 this year? Maybe a decade or two more than that? Ok, you know what I mean then. The passing of certain birthdays really mean a lot to us, a realization that we are not only growing older, but may be missing our chance to do certain things or become what we really want to be as a person. Did you always wish you could travel around the world, but realize that time is running out for you? Or maybe go back to college and finish your degree, or get training for that job you always wanted. The passing of time makes us a little nervous about reaching these landmark changes in our lives, and I believe that has something to do with the whole resolution thing.
So does that mean we shouldn't make resolutions, since most of us won't adhere to them anyway? Of course not! What we should do is make resolutions more often, but call them goals instead, and write them down. Writing things down has a way of making them more real, and in some ways holds our feet to the fire a little bit. If you make a New Years resolution and don't even write it down, the odds that you will even remember it in 2-3 weeks are slim, let alone still be pusuing it! So my advice (which I do myself, of course) is to write down your goals for the year coming up, and seriously think about ways to achieve them. Then post them on your mirror in the bathroom or somewhere you will see them every day. This way you won't be able to forget them. It might even help if you tell a loved one or spouse about some of them, which will give you some support to really take this seriously. Ultimately, only you have the power to make changes in your life, so get busy living!
Visit us at the happiness place for more helpful articles!
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